Second relationships are expected to go a bit better - depending on who you're with. Mine was with an 'upgraded' version of my type - he drove a mustang, loved hanging out in his room or going for drives, hated dancing and being cute. Now that I look back, this definitely was not an upgrade - sorry not sorry!
Again, I was on lover's high. I loved spending time with him, he would pick me up in the mornings before school and sing along to stupid Brittney Spears' songs, grab coffee for me, and made sure I was safe. All little things that made me feel incredibly special. After a couple weeks he got sick of picking me up, and didn't get me coffee anymore, still made sure I was safe, but I started feeling less special to him. My perception of what I was to him was the most important change that happened over time.
Hang outs at his house became the norm, straight to his room watching movies and TV shows. Shows that he liked and movies that he found interesting were chosen more than what I liked, and I kind of just went with it. He gave me butterflies and I thought I was really attracted to him. I took him to hang out with my friends, and he took me to chill with his too. I was okay when he wasn't able to hang out with me, as he did make lots of time for me. But my wants and desires weren't being addressed.
After 6 months, we broke up, it was messy, but I remember him telling me "until you change into the person I like I don't know if I can be with you".
Heartbreaking, right?
I spent weeks crying over him, trying to do everything to win him back. Eventually our paths crossed again and we tried it again. We communicated and I told him I had changed, and was still changing. Now I see that yes I did change, but it wasn't directed right at him. I was figuring out what I wanted on my own, and tried to be more of an independent woman to attract him back. He offered me a chance to 'earn' him, and boy oh boy did I ever try hard. But 6 months later, we broke up again, this time on my terms. On top of getting sick of having to earn him and not making any progress, I found someone else who gave me feelings of excitement again.
So what's the point?
DON'T CHANGE FOR ANYONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF. From the first time we broke up, I felt damaged and hurt, and my self-esteem plummeted. I was told I had to earn him and his love again, as if he was this king that gave me everything from day 1 and I never appreciated it. If you're going to change, make sure you're going in the direction you want to go, not a path someone else chooses for you.
What did I learn?
I learned that I need more excitement and spontaneity in my relationship; I didn't enjoy going straight to TV and movies. We barely talked, and I didn't get the opportunity to teach him who I was, let alone feel accepted for the person I am. Just like last time, a lot more lessons were learned, but I wasn't smart enough to transfer all my knowledge to the next one.
Challenge of the day
Have you ever been in a relationship where you didn't feel accepted for who you are? How did you cope with that? Did you make any efforts to change the situation? Tell me about it!!
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