So if you tuned in to the last post, we talked a little bit about flirting! Topics such as who makes the first move or why we tend to be so shy and timid when it comes to the subject. Turns out though, that there's more to flirting than just doing it (who knew?!)!
Let's talk science for a second. Science is important in the understanding of many basic human concepts; evolution, genetics, health, senses, etc. Science has also had it's influence is the department of Psychology, as theories are preferred to have something to back them up than not.
Even subjects like flirting have been taken time to be researched and tested, to formulate more clarity and understanding based on real-life results.
Knowing how important science is for this subject, Jeffrey Halls and Michael Cody decided to administer a study in order to determine what flirting is, how people do it, and if there are different styles - and let me tell you, they found some interesting stuff!
Backing it up to one of the very first blogs I wrote, reading about this study reminded me of Love Languages - which I'm sure at this point many of you are familiar with to some extent. So with Love Languages, Gary Chapman goes on to talk about 5 different 'languages' of love. This is how we portray love, understand love, see love, and connect with our significant other. Some people might feel love through gifts, where others appreciate quality time more. I'll let you read about the 5 Love Languages later on (unless you want to read it now), just to save some time.
Communication of romantic interest is different person to person
How do love languages link to flirting style though? Not directly, but the researchers Halls and Cody (2010) broke down flirting methods in a similar way to love languages.
They realized that people communicate romantic interest in different ways, just like how people speak the language of love differently.
SO.. what are the 5 styles of flirting??
Traditional
Physical
Sincere
Playful
Inhibited/Polite
The traditional style is - as the name assumes - the 'old school' way of flirting. The men make the first move, initiating any sort of relationship; the women are passive and just accept whatever may come. This style assumes there should be actions that are more "gentleman-like" as well as more "lady-like".
Physical flirting styles involve showing sexual interest. Within this style, mate attraction is the most important and showing the attraction comes through physical means: lots of touching, being close in physical proximity, etc.
Those people who experience sincere flirting styles are showing longer term interest in a potential partner in life. Flirting is playful to an extent, but the goal here is to gain emotional connection and show emotional interest.
Playful flirters sometimes do it for the thrill of flirting; it makes them feel good about themselves by increasing confidence through successful flirting. At times like this there usually is little thought towards or worry about behaviour interpretation and no actual interest in the person at hand.
Lastly, inhibited (or polite) flirting doesn't really involve much flirting at all. This flirting type tends to be cautious, concerned about image and slow-paced. These individuals are very hands-off and respectful, create space and sometimes have an even voice tone which may very well model the opposite of flirting.
So many times have I heard the phrase "love yourself before you love anyone else", but it's not so much about loving yourself more so than it is about understanding yourself first. By understanding where you stand (aka learning about who you are), you can make clear for yourself the boundaries you hold and the things you can tolerate (red flags maybe?).
Basically, what I'm trying to say is... UNDERSTAND YOURSELF.
What is your flirting style (find out here)? Can you recognize which flirting style is being used by the guy/girl you are interested in? Being mindful about other people's style is VERY important, too!! If the guy you're talking to isn't approaching you the same way, it doesn't mean he's not necessarily flirting, but he could be used to the 5th style more than the other styles.
Get to know the person you are talking to, learn about them and help them learn about you. Do your styles match? Can you read their style? Can you understand the language they are speaking?
Sometimes two people can have easier and more successful interactions when they both have overlapping styles of flirting, speaking, understanding, helping, communicating, etc. Keep being open-minded and mindful about situations, people, and concepts; communicate clearly if that's what you need. Be comfortable within yourself.
Challenge of The Day
Take the flirting style quiz and connect with your friends. Which one of your friends experiences which style of flirting? Which do they like to experience more? Which do you like to see more? Talk about it, or listen to some TED Talks about it #hayleyquinn .
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