So far in these articles we've focused on what love is and could mean. It's not a definite answer necessarily and we've definitely still got more to cover...but I want you to take one message throughout everything I've written and will be writing: stay true to yourself and your deep core values.
I briefly talked about Sarah Knight's book (which I am in love with), You Do You. All she writes about is how you need to be true to yourself, and she manages to fill almost 300 pages with this information, give or take. How can you stay true to yourself through when you don't even know who you are?
Well let's start with something textbook simple.
What factors dictate who a person is? Is it their clothing style? The way they talk? The people they surround themselves with? The courses they take in school? As I mentioned in my last post, self-concept/identity is affected by self image, ideal self, and self esteem. But how do you figure those things out?
I've taken a look around to see what other educators have to say about the topic, and let me tell you I found some interesting answers.
Tiny Buddha's Donna Middleton, developed a list of 5 Questions to Discover Who You Are and What Will Make You Happy. The 5 questions for your own pleasure are as follow:
What or who would you be if you knew you couldn't fail?
What is you ninety-second personal elevator speech?
What are your core personal values?
What makes you genuinely happy?
If money were no object, how would you live your life differently?
UGH. The first thought that ran through my head reading this was, "I wonder how many people will say I don't know to all these questions", which made me then think how unhelpful the article really was. If you don't have the basics down, how can you answer these more complex questions? I'll only be taking one of her questions and using it to guide your self-discovery journey. Bare with me.
I kept looking and then came around to the Wiki-How article, How to Figure Out Who You Are. This one was a little more basic of a step-by-step guide, broken down in a way that can be easily understood. It involves taking action - the main step I'll borrow for the guide here. Check out the rest here. Bare with me again.
The step-by-step guide I'm going to break down for you, is less of a guide and more of a tool of suggestions for you to guide yourself. Some of this stuff you'll recognize from the blog about Sarah Knight's book, but a refresher never hurt anyone! Let's start with the basics and move our way up slowly. Keep in mind, getting to know yourself can be a time consuming process, if you're willing to stick with it though, you won't regret the conclusions you reach.
Make a list of your weaknesses - I was asked once to write a list of my strengths and for some reason this was a challenging feat. Let's start with your weaknesses, which personally (I don't know about you) are easier to identify. What are some things you wish you were better at? What are some qualities you see in others that you'd like to be associated with? Most importantly is that you actually WRITE THEM DOWN.
Make a list of your strengths - I like to do positive things at the end, leaving myself with a sense of wellness. So with that said, now I want you to think about your strengths. What are some qualities within yourself you are proud of? What do you like about the way you look? What do you like about the way you dress? Again, make sure you are actually WRITING THEM DOWN.
I expect these lists to take you more than 10 minutes to complete. Strengths and weaknesses will always come and go with time. Each struggle you face might bring up something new, and each success you face might also. These lists are something you will mentally grow with throughout time, to suit your needs. For now though, I'll pretend you have a nice list you can start with, with two or three strengths and weaknesses.
Take some me-time - I want you to spend at least 15 minutes alone per day. Some people will do this meditating, or watching TV, going for a walk, playing an instrument, etc. Whatever it may be, I want you to take a little bit of meaningful time per day to be alone with your thoughts. A good habit to get into could be to write down thoughts that come in your head. When we see things, we can structure them a bit better and feel a better sense of control.
Face your thoughts - just being alone won't help you grow much, you must must actually face them and think about them. Here are a few questions to get you started:
What do those thoughts say?
What types of feelings are you experiencing?
What is initiating those thoughts and feelings?
What happened that gives you that thought and feeling?
What would you like the thought to be instead (if anything)?
Does the thought bother you, or are you content with it?
Think about your personal beliefs and values - at the end of the day, I believe that who you are boils down to what you believe in, those core values. I've linked a personal values assessment to my last blog, take a look at it!!
Accept what you consider a part of you - finding out who you are is the easy step out of all of this. You must learn to accept what you are, what you do, what you like, what you don't like. If you accept them you can make more thoughtful decisions about what you really want and don't.
For more information, follow this link.
The path you follow might be different than some people you know, and some paths will be the same. Growing is one of the most important things here and staying true to who you are. Those who appreciate you will eventually levitate towards you. I promise.
Challenge of the Day
I challenge you to go through my steps. Simple as that. Let me know what happens!
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