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Writer's pictureDaya Montakhebi

Love is Freedom

As I've mentioned before in a previous posting, my mom has always struck true to telling me this every time we talk about men. "Daya," she tells me, "relax, have fun. Love is freedom."

Relax, have fun. Love is freedom.

What exactly is she saying though when stating that love is freedom? To her, true love means being free and letting the other person be free. Free to do what though? Travel? Pursue education? Flirt with the neighbor next door?

Freedom is a big word if you think about it. It encompasses so much history, connotation, and development. Freedom to the country of Canada means [insert here]. Freedom to my girlfriend means travelling. Freedom to my ex means space. Freedom to you will depend on what you've experienced, what you want, desire, and need.



Close your eyes and think about the last time you did something like joining a sports team, travelling last minute abroad, eating something new for the experience, applied to a new program, etc.. Now take a second a think about who you involved in this decision (if anyone). How did this person/people influence your decision? What did they think about the decision?

My last question is, did you feel like you made the decision for yourself or did someone else make the decision for you?


So by having freedom in your actions, you can choose to experience what you want.


Okay but how does freedom now link to love? Let's take it back to the 5 love languages I discussed in a previous blog. Remember I mentioned that although there's 5 languages, you can speak any combination of or additional ones that are not 'official' yet. Freedom for example then becomes one of the languages my mom speaks and thus becomes important in return when it comes to having a relationship. Her version of freedom is similar to mine, and many other people that I know - do not stop someone from living their life to the fullest.


So many of my past relationships, with friends, family, and even intimate relationships, I have experienced a form of control. I was expected to alter my behavior to suit the other person's needs. I felt judged for making a decision for myself. Guilt overpowered me when I thought about my future going the opposite direction as theirs. But that's not love, as Maya Angelou says it, "that's ego".

Sometimes you just have to let it be.

I believe when you first meet someone you should take it slow, give yourself some time to figure out who the other person is and if they can be a potential 'good fit' for you (we'll be talking about this more in depth later on). Let the person make a decision, do an action, say a word, without expectations. Find out who this person is truly, how they act, how they carry themselves without being pressured. Find out if you can feel guiltless and pressure-free making a decision for yourself.


Freedom is one of the most important factors of love in my opinion as well, mom. It can increase trust, bonding, support, understanding. But of course with freedom comes risks, your partner is not free to cheat or flirt excessively if that is the relationship you agreed upon. Many factors influence the importance of freedom. Is it valuable to you?


As usual, the idea of love will differ for people around the world, what is important to them in regards to love will also differ. To be able to find out what will fit best for you, is to find out who you are, what you want/need/desire, what kinds of traits you like and don't like in someone, and many more things that we will continue to talk about within these blog posts! But relax for now, especially at the beginning, it's supposed to be fun and exciting, not full of nags and whining. Stay tuned for more! :)





Challenge of the day

Look into your life and see what you consider to be freedom, and if you consider freedom a valuable trait to have within love. If not, what do you consider valuable? Write them down. Share them with your partner/friend. Tell me more!

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