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Writer's pictureDaya Montakhebi

Scary Steps

Updated: Apr 24, 2018

Okay ladies and gentlemen.. how many recognize this question??

Thank you @tanyaamoreno on twitter for the pic!

Oh Noah.. I bet you were so frustrated...


Figuring out what you want is definitely not a simple task (Allie I agree completely!).. first you have to realize that you have inner conflict (if that's the case), then listen to it. Trick is though you have to pay attention(!!) to your inner monologue instead of ignore it.


Well let's fast forward a few months. Have you figured out what you want? If no, let's keep working on it (life is all about growth)! If yes, how have you implemented those in your life?

A lot of you might take another look at what I asked you and say, "well I don't know Daya, I guess I didn't". Maybe the other half of you will be able to list of many ways you did it. So let's talk about a few steps I improvised from Jack Canfield's blog, "7 Steps for Creating the Life YOU Want".

  1. Take no less that 100% responsibility for your life

  2. Be clear and assertive

  3. Don't give into pressure

  4. Believe it is possible

  5. Believe in yourself

  6. Believe you will have support

  7. Set short or long term (personal) goals

One way I've been implementing my needs and wants is through clear communication as well as withdrawing from negative situations. For example, I'm the kind of girl who likes my man to have some substantial conversation with me, one with depth and meaning. At first I will set an example for him, and do unto him as I would like to be done to me. If he does not mirror my actions, I'll bring it up one day in conversation. Here's what I imagine the conversation would go:


Me: "Hey so we talk a lot throughout the day, but sometimes I feel like I don't get to talk about myself because I don't get questioned a lot."

Him: "You know you can always jump in and talk about your day."

Me: "I understand that, but it would mean a lot to me if you ask me questions and make me feel like you are interested."

Him: "Okay, I'm definitely interested, I'll do my best to implement that and meet you halfway"


Of course a conversation like that is like a dream, super simple, easy, straight to the point. This ideal conversation might not happen, but give it a shot - you never know what could happen. Worst case is you are left off in the same position that you started in. In my experience, usually the other person gets defensive. One way to decrease that is to use "I" language, i.e.) I feel sad when I'm ignored. Notice how there is no "you"? Ultimately both parties know one is at 'fault', but by focusing on yourself, not only does it ease defensiveness but it also helps the other person empathize with you - leading to a more productive conversation!


For some inspiration, check out this girl's reaction to her prom date when this happened. What do you think about what she did?


Learning who you are is great, but more importantly is to implement what you learned in the real world.




Challenge of the day

Next time real-life presents itself with a decision-making moment, choose the decision that you think will make you the most happy. Tell me about what it was, and also what happened after? How did you feel? How did other people react?

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