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Writer's pictureDaya Montakhebi

Trying things out

My first real relationship was nothing like I thought it would be. Of course, nowadays I limit what I consider a relationship, but back then maybe I would have said it's my second or third. So what's a relationship to me? Well first I think a real relationship is considered after you have been seeing your partner for at least one month. Second, you both spent a lot of time together, did hobbies together, your friends knew you were committed, and most importantly both partners knew they were committed to each other (I'm not really an open-relationship type of person, but if you are you do you! Just be on the SAME PAGE).



Okay so back to it, my first real relationship was about a year long, we liked each other a lot and were definitely committed to each other. Was it love though? Maybe. I learned a lot about him in this time, he loved skiing, cars were his passion, he hated high school but tolerated it, and a lot of other things. I met his siblings and parents, spent lots of time with him, and definitely enjoyed the time we had. The first few weeks and months I was on that dopamine high though and eventually little things started bothering me. The way he wouldn't take me to hang with his friends, the way he kissed me, the way that he'd get distracted so easily and stop paying attention to me. That was just who he was (people can change), and by no means do I blame him. Ultimately I just felt he wasn't meant for me, but I couldn't stick around, that's just who I was.


We stayed together for a while, I did feel like I cared very deeply for him; I would get worried about him and I would always be concerned for his well-being. We thought we were in love. He decided to move a province over during our relationship and I thought why not, let's try the long-distance thing. I thought I could do it, but with him gone I felt like there was something missing.. I was unhappy when he wouldn't reach out, and especially with the fact that he wasn't physically available to see. Now here is when I started learning about myself - and let me tell you it was SO frustrating and difficult. Breaking up is already hard enough. I'll save you the heart-breaking details, but it was a bumpy break to say the least.


So whats the point of this?

The point for my first experience that I want to get across to all of you, is that everyone goes through it. Maybe it's because we have to experience negativity to see positivity, or because it helps us learn about ourselves, or to learn more about what we like to see from other people. I jumped into this relationship, we became 'official' after only a day and decided to commit to each other immediately. If I hadn't done that, I could have spent more time learning about him and seeing if it could have worked, possibly without causing him so much heartbreak.


What did I take from this?

I learned first and foremost that I definitely like kissing a certain way (pretty basic but can be valuable). Second, I learned that meeting his family so soon wasn't what I wanted, and the pressure gave me slight anxiety. Third, I realized that I need my man to be by my side and not so far away, literally. Of course other lessons were learned, but I didn't know at the time.




Challenge of the day

Tell me about your first relationship. How long were you together? When did you decide to be together? Are you still together? If you have never been in a relationship, what does your ideal one look like?

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