Ah, love. Feeds us with pleasant emotion. Quenches our lusty thirst. Sparks a fire when we need comfort. Cools us off on a heated day. So much positivity is happening here! It happens so fast and all those feelings rush into us as if they are never going to fade away. Hate to be a Debbie Downer though, but I really think you should SLOW IT DOWN.
You might say, okay Daya, I'm feeling too good to let you ruin this for me. BARE WITH ME HERE. Just give me a chance to explain myself.
I have felt, within a week sometimes, that I could spend the rest of my life with someone, but where is that coming from? Remember when I first introduced the concept of love and what happens to our brain when we are in the state of it? Well our logic completely deteriorates when we meet someone whom we are attracted to, and our dopamine (pleasure receptors) are at an ultimate high. You can't get enough of the person you happen to be spending all your free time with. I'm sure you've heard of the 'honeymoon phase', this is exactly it. BUT I LOVE HIM/HER AND WANT TO BE WITH HIM/HER, you'll argue with me - okay, chill, I never said you should or shouldn't. I merely want you to slow it down.
Why must you slow it down? Here's a quick little list of ideas I jotted down from my personal experience:
To keep a sense of independence - your 'me' time is very much still valuable and existent even though you are in a relationship. What happens on the days your partner is unavailable? Do you find yourself feeling lost and confused, or do you still enjoy your day, still knowing they are there for you? Don't lose track of your hobbies, passions and desires, they are important.
Learn more about your partner - over time when our dopamine release slows down, our logic will begin to turn on. This is the period in time you will realize if you can 'tolerate' things your partner does or not, how they deal with conflict, how they react to you and your desires, or what other similarities and differences you have.
Teach partner who you are - at the same time that you are learning about each other, you must be clear on who you are and what you want, desire, and need in life and from the relationship. You'll show them how you deal with conflict, what things you like and don't like, and allow him/her to make a further decision on if you are the right 'fit' for them or not.
Experience things together - new things might bring you closer, or tear you apart. By going through things together, you can figure out how well of teammates you are with each other, or how poorly you both handle things. Work on a puzzle together, or do something you've both wanted to do for a while.
Getting to know your partner in the relationship and as a person is very important, sometimes it might make you think "we aren't the same people"and that might be enough to call it quits, but other times you might find yourselves a perfect fit for each other, you work well together and deal with conflict appropriately.
I'll admit, I wish present me could have told past me about all of this. I have been in three 'serious' relationships in my life, the first two were about a year, and the last was about 3 and a half. Man, do I ever wish I knew myself and all this information back then. Keep reading my blogs to find out not only more about the experiences I had and what choices I decided to make, but also what lessons I took from them all.
Challenge of the day
Examine a past or current relationship, how long have you been together? How well do you think you know your partner? How well do you think they know you? Let me know!!
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